A woman has taken to Mumsnet seeking “genuine advice” for a very unusual situation worthy of a film script.
“I was in a relationship with someone I was totally in love with,” she writes. “We were on and off for years and eventually had a very painful breakup involving an abortion whilst I was the ‘other woman’ and he was living with someone else. I ended up marrying someone else and having a child, and my daughter is almost two.
“He is still with that lady and has a son. His son is almost four now. We have not had much contact for a while but I recently was up in the city he lives in and we reconnected. We spent two nights together and while we didn’t have sex, we did other things. And it was beautiful. I’ve missed him every day for years, and it was like we’d never parted.
“We’re both so in love and have discussed how we can see each other again. But we don’t want to leave our partners as it’s unfair on our respective children, both of whom are so young. I know it’s wrong etc etc, but I never stopped loving him and he never stopped loving me. I don’t believe in destiny but this feels like the closest to it.
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“My question is, what do I do? Is there a way we can have some sort of relationship without leaving our partners until our children are much much older? Does this even sound realistic? Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? Is it possible to make it work? I know I’m selfish etc, there’s no need to give me a lecture—I’m looking for some genuine advice. Thank you.”
People in the comments were quick to point out the risk factor of going back to an ex.
“You could both try but it’s a obvious risk. The problem is getting caught. If you get caught and your partner leaves you, would he leave her and come be with you or would you then be on your own whilst his alright jack. Big risk really.”
Another user wrote: “He’s an ex for a reason. Don’t ever go back. You said it was a painful breakup. Do you really want to risk that again? Or do the decent thing and you both leave your partners and take things slowly. He’s probably just telling you what you want to hear.”
Many have tried getting back with an ex partner, many have failed, some have succeeded.
Just look at Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck who tied the knot last weekend after 17 years apart. If you do try and get back with an ex, it is a truth universally acknowledged that there will be baggage, and it won’t necessarily be as easy as your brain would have you think.
In article on Woman’s Health Magazine’s website, they suggest certain rules for getting back with an ex:
- “Take it slooow.
- “Figure out what really you want.”
- “View it as a new chapter in an old relationship.”
- “Talk about what you did when you were apart…”
- “…And why you want to get back together.”
